I cannot find my penis.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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