According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
