Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
