seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
