I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
