you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
