stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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