Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
