My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
