worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
