I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
