God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
