I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
