If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
