Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
