i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
