I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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