Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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