Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
