you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
