I just saw a hot homeless man
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
