A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
