then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
