I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
