but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
