On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
