There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
