Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She announced her abortion via fbk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
