Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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