i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
