you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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