Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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