Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
