she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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