12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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