He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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