i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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