see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
