so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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