I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
