What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
