Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
