I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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