You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
