just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
