We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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