i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
