Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
