there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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