my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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