im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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