so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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