Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
